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Stolen from the editor of Pitchfork Media... · by Sach O
Click to see just how loaded one has to be to enjoy music “The Pitchfork way”
I was going to do a piece making fun of Pitchfork for their…affinity for all rappers coke related and their relative disinterest in more substantial Hiphop artists, but to be fair, you can only beat a dead horse for so long and it’s well known that their Hiphop staff suck balls. Why waste anybody’s time stating the obvious?
Then I saw Peter “Mind of” Macia give Justin Timberlake’s newest song a nasty 5 star blowjob and realized that this guy HAD to be on crack to write that one up. Perfect material to cap off crack week, except that when we searched his desk, turns out he wasn’t so much “on crack” as “holding more drugs than a pharmacy”. While this explains the backwards ass review, it still offers no insight on why the guy has a job on their Hiphop staff when every single review he puts up on that site indicates that he’d be better off writing for Tiger Beat.
So cheers to Pitchfork, just when I was slipping, they release a piece of musical journalism so mind boggling I want to stab them with a rusty screwdriver. That hasn’t happened since the Source gave Lil Kim 5 mics.
Damn.
— R.H.S. Aug 4, 10:38 PM
I love you guys but don’t you climb on the “Coke rap vs. meaningful rap” bandwagon too. That’s for OKies & people who listen to Slug. You guys are above that.
Which song did Mr. Macia give the 5 star to? Because I recall him giving the shaft to “Sexyback” in the singles review, but doing it in such a pitchforkian way (namedropping, scarce on the actual details of the song, all with so much stylistic excess that it ceases to be a review & becomes it’s own grizzly attraction) that I didn’t know whether to approve or disapprove.
Anyway, whatever his tastes are, I can’t slag through Peter Macia’s writing. I suppose Sean Fennessey is ok, but he also gave that “Girl Talk” record a ridiculous score.
— Epitome Aug 4, 11:39 PM
Also, should rap guys really get so bent out of shape if Pitchfork is such a pop slut for pop & R&B records? I know this thing has T.I. on it, but still…
— Epitome Aug 4, 11:46 PM
I hate the song. And I’ve consistently hated Macia’s reviews for months. Wasn’t a political post or a judgment of a style of music in the first place. It was a judgment on a terribly near sighted love fest of a review given to an awful song which included a synth last heard at Berlin’s Love Parade and what sounds like a leftover verse from T.I’s “Standup Guy”. Any additional insults played on the clichés based around their website.
As for not caring about it because the site technically deals specifically in Hiphop, I listen to damn near everything in some form or another. I like some artists and I dislike others regardless of their label. I’ve praised pop albums by Lily Allen and Gnarls Barkley this summer and dismissed Nelly Furtado’s. Again, not a genre wide attack.
Truthfully, I knew I shouldn’t have bothered to post anything based solely on my hate for the song and the journalistic sons of Urb who’d give Timbaland a blowjob, but I went for it anyways. I actually read a decent amount of their stuff, but once a year one of them writes something so mindbogglingly softbatch or ignorant that I snap. Last year it was Breihan’s Run DMC reviews, this year it’s this.
— Sach Aug 5, 01:12 AM
It is probably hard to write a good review when you are in a K hole.
— SmoothJimmyApollo Aug 5, 06:42 AM
Where was this RUN-DMC review by Breihan?
— Epitome Aug 5, 09:48 AM
Ok I just read the Breihan pitchfork review of Run-DMC’s pre 1990 catalog and any lingering positive feelings I had about Breihan are gone.
— Epitome Aug 5, 09:59 AM
It’s always funny to see them use the same overwrought BS language they use to build up Franz Ferdinand or something to talk about how great 50 Cent is.
— Jim Aug 6, 05:39 AM
^^^
Though it wouldn’t be 50 Cent—it would either be The Streets (before he blew up and “sold out”), Camron, The Clipse, or TI.
— eauhellzgnaw Aug 6, 12:47 PM
So, just to be clear, Timbaland is not worthy of praise? Please say no. Because I don’t remember giving much praise to Timberlake in that review, nor do I think it’s out of line to talk shit about his celebrity girlfriends because that’s what makes his corny lyrics so fucking funny, because we all know who he’s talking about. It’s no secret you, whether here or elsewhere, throw a hissyfit every time you disagree with something on Pitchfork, so this is no surprise. But just so your readers know, the only time I’ve written about “coke rap” is a Wayne mixtape, and I spoke directly to the difficulties in enjoying such music. Seriously, all you have to do is type my last name in the search bar, Sacha or anyone else, and maybe read one or two things I’ve written. And by the way, making a post about how you’re not going to make a post about Pitchfork is making a post about Pitchfork, and not liking good pop music is Pitchfork c. five years ago, when none of the current hip-hop writers worked there. As far as my writing, take it or leave it, dudes. You’re probably taking shit way too seriously. Otherwise, great site.
— Macia Aug 7, 05:18 AM
Also, Jim, yeah we do talk about rap the same way we talk about any other genre.
— Macia Aug 7, 06:06 AM
great post. the pic is another oh word classic.
keep it up…no bb
— Vik Aug 7, 09:11 AM
First any actual music related discussion . Yes I am making fun/light of the fact that the alternative music press has a had a huge boner for Timbaland’s pop work. Let’s get that out of the way. I think his music has been overrated from the get go but it’s been getting particularly abhorrent with his recent material which tends to annoy a fair cross-section of people without that being represented in what ultimately comes off as a homogenous alt-press. Not a popular opinion fine, but you speak as if it were unthinkable. Timberlake as a joke, is an irritant and I can laugh at his fans on my own time. Sub-par dance pop being passed as revolutionary production is the kind of thing that sets rants off. Of course, as in all things worth discussing, there’s a significant amount of nuance: Timbaland HAS made his fair share of quality songs be they R&B and even on occasion rap, but that’s going off topic.
As for “the “hissyfits” (which I’ve always regarded as a more effeminate word for “rant” so that’s not a bad description as a diss) , I attack what I believe to be worth attacking. You’re not wrong, I really and honestly dislike and completely disagree with the grand majority of the Hiphop reviews at Pitchfork. More importantly though I’ve used the search bar and have consistently disagreed with you whatever the subgenre of Hiphop you’ve been writing about. True, in this particular case I may have made a lump judgement with the coke rap attack (in the context of a parody week about the subject mind you) but that doesn’t take away the fact that from Ghislain Proirier to said Wayne tape I’ve disagreed with your assessment of rap music on an almost continual basis (particularly track reviews to be specific). Admittedly the rant was poorly typed and I should be above personal attacks but aside from that, it’s pretty representative of my opinion. In short, we disagree a lot. Damn near constantly. And since the words from your soapbox get echoed in many mirroring soapboxes of people whose musical tastes I find dubious (and let’s face it, people who wear girl pants), SOMEONE has to say “wait a minute, this shit is wack”. Might as well be me since it pisses me off anyways. I don’t criticise for the sake of criticism and anytime I disagree with a popular opinion it’s out of an honest appreciation for something that gets overlooked by the alt-press media or out of genuine wretching at a song or trend I believe that people won’t be caught dead listening to 5-10 years from now.
At the end of the day, a visceral reaction is a at least a strong reaction. At least your 5/5 wasn’t considered a middle of the road opinion.
— Sach Aug 7, 12:19 PM
We don’t have to agree, ever, but if you’re going to single me out, I would hope that you support it with things I’ve actually written instead of giving your readers what they expect, i.e. “Pitchfork doesn’t know shit.” I freelance for Pitchfork. We all do. We don’t sit in an office discussing how hot Timbaland is while snorting blow off Sufjan cd’s. I, and many people outside of “alternative” press, think he can be brilliant, and if you don’t, you should try to tell us why instead of trying to air me out. I’m not some 16-year-old who draws from his vast knowledge of the past 2 years. If I don’t like something about the brand of hip-hop that I cover, it’s because I’m comparing to the stuff that it poorly copies from the 90’s, even when it’s the same artists who were doing it then. Hip-hop is supposed to be forward-thinking. You don’t think so. Now tell me who you like and why, and we can have a fun little debate. The problem I have with you is that you take personal preference and weave any disagreeance with it into a grand conspiracy. But guess what? Nothing in my archives at Pitchfork even slightly resembles the case you’re trying to make. The stuff I’ve maliciously disseminated to my mirror pawns, like what? Doom, Lif, Fest, Murs, Buckshot, Edan, Cadence Weapon, Nas, De La Soul, Dizzee Rascal? Yeah, that’s some insidious coke-whoring right there. Point being, I think it’s important that your readers know that you’re not necessarily stating fact when you write, just an extravagantly flowered opinion, like myself. See? We do have something in common.
— Macia Aug 7, 02:01 PM
Well we both seem to be pretty good at demonizing each other, we’ve got that in common at this point.
I’ll have a top 25 songs of the first half of 06 up sometime in the next few hours/days if there’s any need for immediate debate about what we do and do not like. As for my thinking Hiphop should not be forward thinking, nothing could be further from the truth. The issue seems to be that we have a different opinion in what constitutes progress. Without being anti-pop (big fan of Gnarls Barkley, Lily Allen, Pipettes, blah blah blah), I simply take offense at Timbaland’s recent work with Furtado and Timberlake because 1)the content of the songs are vapid to a fault. I can’t condone it. Cee-Lo and Lily Allen may do the pop thing but do it without acting well, retarded. 2) Timbaland’s beats really have not been all that progressive. Stutter stepping drums aside (a production trick he ran into the ground years ago) his recent singles sound more like the score to the next Napoleon Dynamite dance sequence than “some next shit”. Compared to Kanye’s orchestration, Just Blaze’s increasingly dirty mixes, The Neptunes’ uncanny ability to re-imagine every sound from Muggs to Prince Paul and Madlib’s lo-fi loops and live experiments, Timbaland’s recent shit not only seems sugary but directed at a lowest common denominator. My complaints as regard to Timbaland were in no way related to crack or cocaine. Rather, the crack material was related to the week’s theme. In retrospect, I’ll allow that this particular joke wasn’t entertaining/funny.
Back to Timbaland and progress.
Call it rockism because I’m dissing something dancefloor related or call it judgmental because I have qualms with the subject matter. But I simply don’t equate anything Timbaland’s doing with progress. Rather, like Jermaine Dupri or post B.I.G Puffy it just seems to me like another case of a producer watering down black music for a mass audience (no ?estlove, Phonte). On the other hand, I’m no fan of bland underground rap either. You won’t find me throwing my hands in the air at a Dilated Peoples show (or a Fest, Murs or Dizzee show for that matter). Rather I believe that it’s entirely possible for rap to progress without resorting to the feel good/bad whitewashing as proposed by the jansport set nor the socially bankrupt dancefloor pap proposed by others which minimizes actual social commentary. You mention acts poorly copying from the 90’s, what is the current drum machine set if not stealing from the 80’s? Whether Culture Club’s synths or Rick Rubin’s beatbox…
Is there room for the song? Yes. Do I think it deserves 5 stars or even 3? Hell no. That’s pretty much what it comes down to. I got mad at the song review and wrote a snide sideways shot. Our readers know we’re “another snarky weblog” as Rafi puts it, some agree with what I say and some don’t. The article was a pot-shot and it was definitely one that hinged on personal bias, but while we’re trying to convince ourselves about who we are and who we’re not (ok, you’re not the pro-coke guy) let me state for the record that I’m not the anti-coke guy. I’m the anti-dance-rap guy.
— Sach Aug 7, 03:13 PM
” I’m the anti-dance-rap guy.”
That’s all you had to say, dude. We don’t have to agree on Timbaland or anything else. Just saying, if you want to say I suck, be accurate and honest about it.
Sincerely though, I like Oh Word a lot, and I hope you guys hate more of my stuff in the future.
— Macia Aug 7, 03:53 PM
If only we’d found a way to throw in a diss record or a senseless rap related death into it, this whole comment section could have been a lot more fun.
In the meantime I’ll refrain from low-blows. If I disagree I’ll at least give you the courtesy to write about it in adult terms since you took the high road through this.
— Sach Aug 7, 04:14 PM
Calling yourself the anti-dance-rap guy after hopping on Just Blaze, The Neptunes, and Kanye’s collective jocks in the same rant? You’re trippin’ nigga.
Let me postulate this; Timbaland’s foray into proxy pop-stardom by producing Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake’s new singles is less indicative of hip hop being watered down than it is a sign that hip hop’s musical sensibilities have crossed into the deep mainstream and pop stars now wade into Timberlandia fiending for a radio-hit. To look for watered down hip hop, nucka look no further than the Black-Eyed Peas.
...Let’s just all agree dance-rap only pisses off the purists, yadida? I mean, there’s a time and fuckin place for dance-music, and it’s at the club. You’re not going to catch me dancing to Fishscale at a fuckin club, ya smell me? Nah, you might even see me boppin it to Kelly Clarkson; integrity goes out the window when a hutch’s involved.
“Since you been gone…”
good thing the internet’s anonymous, yafemme?
— leeper Aug 8, 07:14 PM
“you might even see me boppin it to Kelly Clarkson”
good thing the internet’s anonymous indeed.
— Sach Aug 8, 07:22 PM
Sach, youngin’, little one. You lost. If you’re going to take your cock out, make sure you’ve got some balls back there.
— no Aug 9, 02:36 AM
Is it just me or is the mindset of most hipster-blog half-wits remarkably similar to that of the thugs in the De La Soul is Dead skits?
— R.H.S. Aug 9, 12:17 PM
Agent B comic is very necessary.
— Sach Aug 9, 12:38 PM
Suddenly I don’t feel so bad that I had an e-mail today telling me my Rick Ross review sucked dick. At least I’ve never inspired somebody to create a graphic that claims I’m high on coke and percosets when I wrote a review. :)
Seriously – J.T. + T.I. = W-A-C-K.
— DJ Flash Aug 9, 02:17 PM