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Sachstradamus · by Sach O
I’ll never sample Toto though
I will now boldly predict the future of your most anticipated fourth quarter releases. The following should be taken at face value and is absolutely not cynical and/or sarcastic.
Jay-Z – Kingdom Come
Will it suck: Only kind of
Why? Jay-Z knows what he’s doing. You don’t become the president of Def Jam by following artistic whimsy for a major “comeback” album and so he’s already dropped hints that this would be more “Black Album” than “Blueprint”. Decoded, this means that you can expect a fair amount of A-list pop-rap beats from today’s biggest and brightest while Jigga waxes grandiose about his return to the mic the same way he did about his retirement from it. Assuming he gives 100% and the dreaded old man flow isn’t in effect, this should be an enjoyable CD that has nothing to do with why people cared about Shawn Carter in the first place.
What next? Jay-Z will continue releasing poorly promoted rap albums while maximizing profits from other divisions at Def Jam. He’s a hustler you know.
Nas – Hiphop is Dead
Will it suck: Probably
Why? Well look at the production lineup for one thing: Timbaland, The Neptunes, Will I Am and Scott Storch aren’t exactly Large Pro, Pete Rock, Q-Tip and Premo. Nas is best suited for grimy tracks and these guys can’t deliver so even if I’ll be rushing to buy download this like everyone else, I doubt it’ll get play 6 months from now once anything produced by Premier is added to an I-tunes playlist and the Jay-Z collaboration disappoints. My only concern about this prediction is that “industry insiders” apparently think it’s amazing, but these are the same people who think that Sexyback is a good song so fuck em.
What’s next? Who knows. Probably getting “bossed” around by Yoko Ono-err…Kelis.
Young Jeezy – Thug Motivation 102
Will it suck: Duh
Why? Because the joke’s getting old and there’s nothing to back it up. Like DMX before him, Jeezy dropped on Def Jam with a gimmick powered street album (Barking>adlibs) but even with a lightning quick re-up, more efficient street rappers usurped his brand of griminess leaving the Snowman with nothing much to say. T.I is slicker and Rick Ross is funnier so hopefully the internet will have found some new phenomenon to rock to.
Yeah but will it sell units? Of Course. If Young Dro can do a few hundred K then Jeezy has GOT to move at least gold. Anything less and the rap industry’s in major doodoo. Besides I’m sure he’ll have an Akon chorus.
Puff Daddy – Press Play
Will it suck: It won’t. It just won’t be good either.
Why? Diddy’s new album is so vain and bizarre that it’ll transcend ordinary mediocrity and become some sort of uncanny capitalist monument to plastic music. Puff likes style? Puff buys style off of ghostwriter, big producer and stylist. From James Brown to Pharaohe Monch to conscious rap and modern pop R&B, no style is safe from the all consuming entity that has become Sean Combs. Seriously though, this will be so weird that it’ll entertain, it just won’t be good for more than a few laughs. Which is still more than most of these releases.
Is Diddy insane? 10 years after the death of his “friend”, maybe he’s getting a little haunted by visions. He’s not in Whitney/Mel Gibson territory yet but this album is a step in the right direction.
The Clipse – Hell hath no Fury
Will it suck: I assume not.
Will it be released? I assume not.
Snoop Dogg – The Blue Carpet Treatment
Will it suck: I really don’t think so.
WTF? Promising a more street oriented album than his last 7 or so, Snoop leaked Vato a few months ago and that song was fire. With nothing else but the man’s word and lead single to go on, I’ll actually be an optimist here and predict that the album will come out nicely. Dr Dre is on board and that’s always made for great songs and unlike Nas, Snoop can build on a flashy production lineup and make something good out of it. Call it a hunch.
And if you’re wrong? Who cares, just another wack Snoop Dogg album and it’s not like anyone here is going to go out and physically buy it.
Saigon – The Greatest story ever told
Will it suck: All bets are off.
Why? Just Blaze’s pet project has been delayed for so long that the buzz has thrice been worn out. People were excited at the idea of Saigon and Just dropping a classic together, but rumors of Cocoa Chanelle getting the lead single and random nobodies like Scram Jones providing beats to the album have dampened any enthusiasm for the project. At this point I’m wondering if it’ll even drop at all.
Is it too late for Just Blaze to sign Freeway? Probably.
The Game – The Doctor’s advocate
Will it suck: Yes. Unless it doesn’t.
Why? Dr Dre isn’t involved and the Game’s a total tool. But he can also flow and tends to drop far more good songs than bad ones. Depending on which side of the Game you’d rather see in his poorly titled sophomore album, you’ll either love or hate this thing with all your guts. Actually, like most rational people you just won’t care all that much and wish that Nas got this guy’s production.
Fat Joe – Me Myself and I
Will it suck: You bet!
Why? Because Fat Joe hasn’t released a decent album since the 90’s that’s why and nothing indicates a label switch is going to change that.
Lil Wayne and Baby – Like Father like Son
Will it suck: CH’YEAH!
Why? Baby is alright in small quantities but he’s just going to get in the way here. While Wayne did alright on his last solo turn, I doubt the production here is going to be anything to marvel about judging by those leaked Juelz-Wayne tracks from last month. Incidentally that’s a far more interesting project than this thing.
Who will care? Internet thugs and pretentious rock pseudo-journalists.
Dude, are you excited by ANYTHING rap-related coming out in the next few months?? You just killed everything with the exception of some very hedged bets on the Clipse and Snoop.
— ian Sep 29, 10:46 PM
OB4CL2?
Rae’s goit it goin on, pal…
— Arjun Sep 30, 12:00 AM
youre fucking hilarious
— arlene Sep 30, 06:13 PM
I dunno I could see that Stuntin like my dady being good just cuz Wayne has been good lately and Baby is one of the most unintentionally hilarious rappers ever.
— CC Oct 1, 12:36 AM
Damn Sach, you’re giving Starr a run for his payola
— Jay B Oct 3, 08:37 PM
This list is so on point it’s not even funny anymore!
— Perttu Oct 4, 02:28 AM
I kinda disagree w/ the Nas production lineup. Will-I-am is a pretty good producer, Scott Storch has his moments, the Nep’s are capable of giving Nas some edge (a la ‘grinding’), so also Timbaland. Everyone is praying for Nas to go back to his production lineup on Illmatic. I’d rather hear Nas on something progressive as opposed to throw-away boombap beats every producer right now makes.
— esbee Oct 5, 01:37 AM
Absolutely spot on!!! Most rap these days does suck. Thank You, however, for such a poignant and accurate analysis. I love hip hop, but it is dead. And nothing that Nas ever said or will say is gonna change that, but I gotta believe there are some new cats on the horizon that actually have talent. In fact, I’m one of ‘em.
— Emcee MC Feb 2, 10:37 AM
I love lil wayne shit let me be your baby mama
— shenika aka sexy Jul 23, 11:13 AM